Isaac TRUE and HONEST version
FOR A MORE DANK VERSION OF THIS PAGE, CLICK HERE Isaac (not to be confused with Issac) is the main character of Golden Shower and a supporting character in the other installments in the series. He can wield swords, making him yet another anime swordfighter. Isaac’s waifu is Sailor Venus from Sailor Moon. (which may or may not be bad taste. I don’t know, i’ve never watched Sailor Moon.) and as such, faps exclusively to porn of her. In Golden Shower: BLACKED, which takes place 69 years after the events of Golden Shower: Lost My Keys, he gets hit by a truck and dies. Rip shotaboi. Abilities Isaac primarily uses Magic “Psynergy”, which includes moves such as a giant hand that pushes things, a giant hand that grabs things, a giant hand that lifts things, and a giant hand that punches shit outside of battle. In battle, Isaac can use a variety of devastating attacks such as Bad Dragon Dildos, Japanese Earthquakes, Daniel Bryan, Kirby’s Avalanche, Gaia from Captain Planet, Cure, (wait, doesn't that heal things?) and Kangaroo. The Replacment Goldfish Matthew is Isaac's bastard son conceived after an incident involving Kevin Spacey, a Turkey Baster, and a copy of Superman 64. He’s the main bitch of the third game that nobody likes, Golden Shower: BLACKED. He shares similar characteristics to Isaac, you could say that he's the exact same fucking character, seeing as how he has blonde hair, uses swords, and is a delicious shota just like his father. Matthew also swears near the end of BLACKED. (through Q*bert style symbol swearing.) War With British Cloud For some reason, Isaac is at war with British Cloud. No one knows why, but for some reason only one of them can get in. Despite Isaac having more games, seniority, and better sales, Shulk’s one game is actually good, allowing him to get in while Isaac and his fanboys cry in the corner. Role in the Supremely Smashed Brohams Series Isaac was an Unpaid Intern in Supremely Smashed Brohams: The Return of Jafar. Hope for him grew when Littlist Macintosh was revealed to be playable, because his fanboys really thought that the virgin Golden Shower and the chad Punch-Out!! were of equal importance and quality. And then it turned out that not only was he not playable, but he was killed by the mob as well. And there's (thankfully) not a single piece of Golden Shower content in the handheld-centered 3DS Smashed Brohams game at all. But despite that, Golden Shower still somehow got new content in the form of BLACKED's overworld theme in the Wii U version. Hope for nobody's favorite blonde-haired shotaboi may not be as dead as his series yet... Nevermind, Isaac died while attempting to scale Ridley’s back so he could whisper sweet nothings in his ear. And nothing of value was lost. Isaac managed to avoid drowning in unemployment by becoming an intern again in Ultimaté. This time a payed one! He’s finally moving up in the world! But unfortunately, he spent all his newfound cash on heroin and died from an overdose. Not on the heroin, he died from a pineapple overdose. Smashed Ultimaté Meltdown After the April 20th, 6969 Nintendo Direct, Isaac fanboys noticed a screenshot on the official Smash Bros. website featuring Rathalos squaring off against sword-wielding characters in a perspective vaguely similar to that of Golden Shower battles. This, combined with the fact that King K. Rool pissed on Dong Kong and ZeRo in his reveal trailer, led them to believe that Isaac was 101% confirmed. One month later, a Nintendo Direct was announced for September 11th, 2001. Isaac fans believed that your time was up and their time was now. It would wind up being delayed due to 9/11, which was viewed as further evidence of Isaac's inclusion, as he died in the towers and Sakurai would obviously honor the memory of his unpaid intern by alowing him to get his ass kicked by the Doge. The Direct would air three days later, just in time for Jesus’ return which is further evidence for Isaac’s reveal because, as we all know, Jesus did 9/11.....and Isabelle would be confirmed instead. This would lead to Isaac fanboys going apeshit in what would be the biggest Smash community meltdown since the Corrin reveal. A legion of angry/sad Isaac fans would make thread after thread, irate and distraught over their belief that Isaac's spot had been stolen by a shih tzu secretary. Which is funny, because Isaac was likely never even considered. I don’t even know what the fuck to call this section Isaac was included as part of the cast of the new hit sitonmyfacecom Mr. Ridley’s Blood Sacrifice, causing many to believe he was playable because Sakurai is a big fan of that show so he would definitely put him in, but many others understandably thought that was fucking stupid. But then, Isaac died from Ebola and also two things happened. One, I went to Wendy's and got a burger. The patty of the burger looked suspiciously similar to Isaac. And by that I mean it looked like shit, smelled like shit too, I think I might have actually eaten a shit burger. But anyway, seeing this Isaac-looking burger patty that may or may not have been feces made me believe that Isaac was playable because I let the shapes of my food dictate all of my life choices. Then, people remembered that showers existed and were things that people (except Smashed fans) take. And as we all know Golden Shower invented showers. Between these pieces of indisputable facts and logic, and Sakurai saying that we shouldn’t constantly look too deep into things to try and find hints to Smashed Brohams characters which was clearly reverse psychology, it gave a new resurgence to the theory that the earth is flat because if it wasn’t, how do you explain Isaac falling off the edge of the world? Because he just did that. What an idiot. RIP Isaac cultists were riding around high in the sky on their piss powered airplanes, carpet bombing anyone who doesn’t like ludicrous amounts of exposition. And heading into Funneyvember Datest's Nintendo Erect; with The Grinch 2018 widely considered fucking terrible and the Bellsprout with a giant throbbing cock having been spotted at Taco Bell. How those things help Isaac’s chances at all i have no fucking idea but listen, Golden Shower fans were getting really desperate. Anyway it seemed like Isaac would finally be able to realize his dream of cumming inside a donkey’s ass. Then Tony the Tiger from Cereal showed up and gave everyone in the entire fucking world Frosted Flakes which were actually laced with cyanide, thus killing the entire world’s population including Isaac. Yet another devastating kick to the dick happened later in the Direct, when Bob Ross showed up and painted a picture of Isaac getting raped by a cyborg dolphin wearing a sombrero, which inexplicably made Isaac burst into flames when he saw it. Popularity Isaac was a popular choice pre-Return of Jafar for some reason, but thankfully, he only made it in as one of Sakurai’s unpaid child slaves. He slowly learned how to tap dance over time, and it looked like he had a promising career ahead of him. But sadly, once Hitler was revived, he was killed by Hitler’s powerful eye lasers. No one showed up to his funeral. After serving in World War XXX, He’d started to become relatively popular among homosexuals as he consistently places first in the "which shota would you fuck?" polls. For example, in a poll of 1 person, (the pollrunner) he placed first. He's also prone to special hatred on this wiki, being one of the few characters who has a 100% negative article where he’s described as dying multiple times, and typically has anything positive related to him on any article reverted outside of one single isolated page where you're allowed to say nice things about Isaac. Known Supporters Noone PLANT GANG IMAGINE BEING AN ASSIST TROPHY PLOT TWIST, THIS ENTIRE PAGE WAS MADE BY PLANT GANG Gallery Gs-isaac.jpg|Isaac's original shotatastic design. DDIsaac.png|Issac's desgin in BLACKED. (Not a shota, ruined forever) NTR_GoldenSun_01char01_E3.png|Matthew, Isaac's son as seen in BLACKED. IsaacNewcomer.png|Isaac with the Smashed background. Category:TRUE and HONEST Category:Shotas Category:Not Wanted Newcomers Category:Anime Swordsmen Category:Mute Category:Psychic Types Category:Ground Types Category:Isaac